Month: June 2016

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My friend called me today in tears. Her mother, who has dementia and paranoia, snapped; really, "snapped" is such a useless word to describe what happens when caring for an elderly parent with dementia. It does not begin to describe the devastation it causes the caregiver.

One of the least talked about anomalies of elder caregiving is the rage and anger that can suddenly flare up. This anger is totally directed at the home caregiver who has probably been doing everything possible to make her parent feel safe, comfortable and loved. Everything was fine until something set Mom off. It could be something from the past she has been dwelling on for some time; maybe an old incident regarding money, a lost friendship, a cheating husband. Whatever, the train of thought, Mom has now zeroed in on you, caregiver.

Most likely the tirade will begin by the caregiven telling the home caregiver how much they are hated. "Do you know how much I hate you?" "You think you are really something and you are nothing." "I want to go home." Today, it just all boiled over and in an instant Mom became another person. Her tone of voice changed, her facial expressions changed, her language became a barrage of swearing; words you had never heard her use before. She grabbed your arm with a strength you did not think she had. It seemed that the tirade of venomous words would never stop. You are in total shock; your mouth hanging open.

Actually, it is probably best, your mouth hanging open, because you can not reason with a person who has dementia. Why, because they have lost the capacity to reason. If the person is paranoid, too, you really just have to wait for the caregiven to run out of anger.

As a caregiver, I was often shocked at the vehement energy projected during one of these episodes and the only comeback that I ever used that worked was, "I love you, too, Mom". This simple statement seemed to deflate the situation.

You, dear caregiver, need to understand that your parent will not remember this episode.

This is the time when you have to dig deep within your soul; stop the tears, grow a spine of steel and move forward with grace, compassion and understanding. Just know that most every elder caregiver will experience this. Do not internalize these hurtful words; just learn and be prepared.

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Source by Judith Davenport

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Making the decision to find a surrogate mother is not an easy one, both emotionally and financially. By the time a typical infertile couple comes to the conclusion that surrogacy might be the best way to grow their family, they have already spent countless amounts of money on various infertility treatments. And surrogacy is the most expensive infertility treatment of them all!

A typical gestational surrogacy can run anywhere from $ 30,000 on the low end, to upwards of $ 100,000 +. In addition to the surrogate's compensation, intended parents need to account for clinic fees, medications, attorney fees, agency fees, maternity care, travel expenses and any other expense that occurs in a pregnancy.

So how are intended parents able to afford it? The truth is, surrogacy is financially out of reach for most couples. The ones that do choose surrogacy usually make incredible sacrifices in order to afford it.

Saving in Advance
The most practical method of affording surrogacy is to save in advance. Intended parents can sacrifice vacations, new cars, and other high-cost items in addition to saving every spare dollar and employment bonuses.

The problem with this is the sheer amount of time it takes to save up these kinds of funds. Couple that with the fact that many couples going through infertility are older parents to begin with, and you can see why this option is unattractive to many.

Financing
Some intended parents choose to take a second mortgage out on their homes or to take on some other sort of financial loan to afford surrogacy. It is even possible for some of them to borrow money from a family member. The downfall to this option is bringing a baby or babies into their lives on top of heavy debt.

Choosing Traditional Surrogacy
Gestational surrogacy can be very expensive, but a lesser expensive alternative is traditional surrogacy. Since a traditional surrogate mother becomes impregnated via artificial insemination, the in vitro fertilization fees are non-existent.

Some traditional surrogates will do home inseminations, eliminating the need for a clinic altogether. This can save the intended parents tens of thousands of dollars. The baby, however, would not be the biological child of the intended mother.

Trimming Fees
There are several fees intended parents may be able to trim, or even eliminate, when looking at surrogacy. Choosing to find a surrogate mother, either gestational or traditional, without the services of an agency is one option. Another option is to find a surrogate with a good health insurance plan.

There is also the option of finding a surrogate with low, or even nonexistent fees. Though it may seem impossible, there are many, many surrogates who would be willing to accept a low compensation to help another family achieve their dreams. In addition, sometimes a family member or close friend can act as a surrogate mother for the intended parents free of charge.

Egg Donation
Another option for surrogacy involves the intended mother becoming an egg donor herself. If her eggs are of good quality, and her infertility problems stem from her inability to carry a child, she might be able to receive compensation as an egg donor for another set of intended parents.

This is actually more common than most people realize. The compensation for a couple egg donations, added to a couple's savings and other options, may make surrogacy a financial possibility. The intended mother may even decide to go through a shared cycle to reduce her fees for the egg retrieval in relation to her surrogacy.

Those outside the surrogacy community may have trouble understanding the mindset behind these phenomenal sacrifices. But to those who have been struggling with infertility for a very long time, even with the financial hardship, surrogacy is dream come true.

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Source by Rayven Perkins

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Someone you know, a friend, the child of a friend, your son or daughter is having a baby. You decide to have a shower for them. Someone asks what they can do to help, what to bring, and all the details. The baby shower is an important ritual in the pregnancy and birth process, a tradition that goes back a long way. Here's a short history of the baby shower, and seven ways to make it the best one yet.

Why a shower? Is it because the mom to be will be showered with good wishes and good will? Because she'll be showered with gifts? Or is it because of the shower of happy tears that will flow during the event, one of the happiest, most solidly traditional milestones on the way to becoming a mother?

No one seems to know the exact history of baby 'showers', and much speculation centers on the fact that whatever theory arises can not be proven. Perhaps at one of the common tea parties held for the expectant mom, a rain shower was a sign of good luck and good fortune for mom and the little one. It is true that during those tea parties, held for women who, in earlier times, were expected to stay hidden during their pregnancy, attendees, always women only by the way, carried umbrellas along hoping the fortunate shower would appear. No matter. The baby shower is a solid part of traditional pregnancy now. Here are seven tips on creating and promoting the best baby shower under the sun.

1. One thing that is known about baby showers of old is this. Most of the gifts were handmade. There's no reason to bypass this. We are dealing with tradition, after all. It takes little time, and less technical skill, to create a simple garment, baby toy, crib mobile, nightstand decoration or other knick-knack that mom will cherish as part of the happy time before delivery.

2. If you're not feeling creative, get on-line and find an artisan site such as Etsy etc. and commission a personalized gift. Include names, dates, secret insider information on it. This could be the one gift mom and baby will keep forever.

3. Depending on how close you are to the mom to be, why not a real shower? This is reserved for spouses, or truly intimate friends, but there's nothing that says I love you, I care for you, like a royal shower of pampering. Purchase bath oils, candles, incense and the expectant mom's favorite soft music. Then give her a bath or shower, followed by a long, lingering total body massage, just like you would have with your own child during a time of transition and change for them.

4. If there's a register, such as babies-r-us, check it out and obtain whatever your pocketbook can handle. Have it delivered, or take it along. If there's extensive travel involved, for you or them, be sure to observe size and weight limits for whatever gift you obtain.

5. Do not forget to include the other kids, if there are any. A small token, inexpensive toy, age-appropriate clothing item or healthful snack items, to recognize them, and to include them in the event will be much appreciated, perhaps even more by mom than the child.

6. Make sure you recognize the mom to be in a way that preserves her autonomy in the process. We tend to focus all our attention on the soon to be newborn, and neglect mom. We assume a lot: That mom allows touching her belly; that she's willing to share the baby's sex – if she knows; that she enjoys hearing advice from people, especially those who have no kids of their own! It could be the best gift of all for a baby shower to shower mom with the assumption of maturity. Assume she knows what she's doing, and everything else will follow.

7. Finally, make sure mom to be actually wants a shower in the first place. These days, with everyone working full time, chaotic schedules, other kids, busy spouses, it's possible the traditional shower will just rain on mom's already hectic parade of responsibilities. The way to find out if she would like a baby shower? Ask her.

Baby showers are about babies, and moms to be. They can be a great way to acknowledge the bonding and communal inclusion of women preparing for the birth of a child. One final note. Because every child, and every mom, needs to feel this inclusion, do not forget that adoptive moms and dads need this recognition, too. All the ideas above will work equally well for parents about to, or in the process of adopting.

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Source by Edgington Byron

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Pearl, just like diamonds, has been a symbol of elegance for women. Mother of pearl, on the other hand, has also brought class and style in different jewelry, art crafts and architectural pieces.

We have been seeing pearls and mother of pearl everywhere – from ladies' earrings, to necklaces, to watches, to dinnerware, to furniture – but what really is the difference of the two? They may have come from the same organic, living source, but how do we differentiate one from the other?

Pearls are formed in oysters through the accumulation of substance called nacre, which is, in fact, the mother of pearl, and is the material lining the oyster shell. Pearls are formed around a solid piece of foreign object that has become lodged inside the oyster shell.

A pearl is made of layers of crystalline forms of calcium carbonate held together by an organic substance known as conchiolin. Its composition is identical to that of the nacre, which forms the interior layer of the mollusk or oyster shell.

As mentioned, mother of pearl (or nacre), is a material that forms the shell lining of most mollusks. Some sources of mother of pearl which are used as an inlay in jewelry and furniture are abalone and oysters. MOP comes in different natural colors and is processed (dyed) for decorative purposes.

Today, we see pearl and mother of pearl not only in women's jewelry but also in men's jewelry. There are men's watches which are actually made of mother of pearl. Moreover, there are also pearl cufflinks and mother of pearl cufflinks, which give the same kind of elegance as other kinds of cufflinks which are made in silver and gold.

Each pair of pear or mother of pearl cufflinks has its own reflective properties, making each cufflink a unique work of art. For one, they are not like other substances like silver or gold which can have the same properties when manufactured in volume. It is for this reason that every pair of pearl and mother of pearl cufflinks have its own stories to tell. Just like other naturally occurring substances, mother of pearl develops irregularities as it forms. Thus, every piece of mother of pearl jewelry – be it earrings or cufflinks – is slightly different. Such irregularities may also appear in cheaper jewelry which is not as carefully crafted.

Whether a man prefers the rounded pearl cufflinks or cufflinks with an inlay of mother of pearl, what is important is that because nature has a great way of making each natural substance unique, it makes it more possible to cater to every man's unique personality. Consider it as nature's way of meeting the demands of the pearl fashion market.

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Source by Gary Allard

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Meet a guy named Ordinary who was a Nobody, lived in a land of Familiar, who had a Big Dream. He sought out to pursue his Big Dream. The Dream Giver gave Ordinary a Big Dream and convinced him to leave his Comfort Zone. Ordinary begins to pursue his Big Dream, overcoming Border Bullies. Making his way through the wasteland, battling the fierce Giants in the Land. You will also learn this modern-day parable will get you started on your own daring adventure. What at first seem to be a road full of obstacles is actually a series of opportunities to help you along towards your destiny. While Bruce Wilkinson serve as your Dream Coach, offering you insights and practical solutions.

Bruce Wilkinson is the author of the # 1 New York Times bestsellers The Prayer of Jabez and Life God Rewards, as well as Secrets of the Vine, Experiencing Spiritual Breakthroughs and numerous other books. He Serves as the Chairman of Global Vision Resources, Ovation Productions.

Bruce Wilkinson with David and Heather Kopp takes you through as your Dream Guide giving you insights and practical solutions: Some in When, It looks like your not going to make it "count it all joy," press your way through trusting through, remember where your at now, isolate yourself in the main areas where your trust in the Lord needs to grow. Ask yourself a question. What in your Dream do you doubt the Lord about right now? Install a few safety nets beneath you to encourage and protect you when you feel like giving up on the call the Dream Giver in your life.

Be around friends that help you through the Wasteland experiences. Increase the amount of time you spend with the Dream Giver Devote more time than usual reading and studying the Bible. Focus on Exodus, Joshua and Psalms. You'll be amazed how often times you will find your answer you are looking for. Ask the Lord for wisdom that he promised to give to all who ask in Faith. Pray about what troubles you most. And keep a spiritual journey and keep them during Wasteland seasons. Work through your questions, emotions, and insights on paper with the Dream Giver. Install the commitment deep in your heart that you will not turn back, no matter how long or hard or painful the path through the wilderness may be. Hold on to this key truth: "Now the just shall live by faith; but if any man draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him."

In these present times, this parable will get you started on having enough courage to pursue your destiny. Remember to trust and believe in the Lord Jesus. and pray and ask him for wisdom. You'll learn how Ordinary goes after his Big Dream breaking through the boundries of his Border Bullies called Nobodies. Which were, his Mother, his Uncle, his Best Friend and the Landlord of Familiar who decided what was right for Nobodies, Owning the every inch of the land even the the bridge Ordinary needed to cross over from Familiar to pursue his Dream. The Landlord of Familiar told Ordinary he was denying him access to the bridge Ordinary replied, "but why?" Landlord said because I need every Nobody to stay in Familiar at their Usual Job, "" I will not lose any more Nobodies to this silly notion of Dreams. I will not let go! "

Shaking up their Comfort Zone, them knew, they had something to lose, if Ordinary went forward. In the mist of all this Ordinary meets Champion who took him these things. Ordinary wanted to know how he could get them on his side and Champion told him he might not be able to but wisdom is the key, try to understand what's motivating them and look for the merit of their concerns. Some Bullies you need simply dismiss or avoid. But most Border Bullies have concerns that can help you clarify your plans. That's how Dreamers turns oppositions into opportunity. Champion gave him a word of wisdom. "Hold Fast to your Dream. Your going to be Somebody someday. I just Know it!" Champion shook Ordinary hands and told him "Remember when Bullies try to block your way, what matters most is who you choose to please!"

Ordinary had a small nagging feeling that The Dream Giver gave him and persuaded Ordinary to leave the Land of Familiar to pursue his Big Dream. And with that small nagging feeling grew and grew he began to wish for it. Time passed, one morning Ordinary got up with word echoing in his head: What are you missing, you already have. Could it be? He discovered in a small corner of his heart laid a Big Dream. The Dream told him he was a Nobody created to be a Somebody and destined to achieve Great Things. Ordinary jumped out of bed discovered something else. A long white feather resting on his window sill and thought where did it come from? What did it mean? With Ordinary's nagging feeling, he was so excited, he decided he had a visit from the Dream Giver. Ordinary heard rumors of Nobodies in Familiar waking up to a Big Dream. But he never imagined it would happen to him.

He rushed to get dressed, his big Dream beating brightly in his chest. He could not wait to get to his Usual Job and tell his Best Friend the news. Ordinary realized he had a problem. His Big Dream was to big for a Nobody like Ordinary. He would be embarrassed to tell anyone. Even his Best Friend would laugh. Still, Ordinary was to excited to keep his Dream to himself. As soon as he saw Best Friend he blurted out, "The Dream Giver gave me Dream! I was made to be Somebody and destined to achieve Great Things!" Best Friend looked surprised, but did not laugh and said "That's very big but if I were you, I would not talk about this Dream of yours too much. Nobodies around here might take you for a fool." After that Ordinary keep his Dream to himself. Day after day Ordinary showed up at his Usual Job. But while he worked he thought about his Dream. He thought how it would be to do what he love instead of just dreaming about it.Ordinary longing for his Big Dream, grew and grew, until finally he realized that he'd never be happy unless he could pursue it.

Timed passed, but nothing changed. Ordinary began to hate his Usual Job. This is not what I was made to do, he'd say to himself. I just knew it! After a while, he began to worry that maybe he had not received a Big Dream after all. Maybe he'd just made it all up. And he grew sadder by the day. One evening after work, Ordinary went to his parents to watch the box. But their box was broken, so the house was very quite. Even more quite because his mother was out shopping at Familiar Foods. In the Quietness, Ordinary began to think about his Dream again. He looked Over at his father sitting in his recliner, staring at a single page of the Nobody's News. Maybe he could help. "Father," said Ordinary, "I'm growing sadder by the day, I do not like my Usual job anymore. In fact, I think I hate It." Father looked up. "That's terrible !, he said." What happened Before he could stop himself, Ordinary started talking about the Dream Giver, and about his Big Dream.

"I was made a Somebody and achieve Great Things!" he said. And then he told his Father the Name of his Dream. As Ordinary spoke, his voice trembled. He was sure his Father would laugh or call him a fool. But he did not. "I'm not surprised to hear you say these things." he said. Ordinary was surprised. Ordinary began to tell him he had that Dream ever since he was a little. he said, "Do not you remember?" You used to build that same dream with sticks and mud in front of the house. "Then Ordinary did remember. He'd always had his Dream! It was what he'd always wanted to do, and what he'd always thought he 'd be good at doing. his eyes Filled with Tears. "Father, he said, I think I was born to do this." Ordinary and his Father sat down and his Father seemed to remember something and he asked him after a while, "When you woke up to your Big Dream, Son, did you happen to find a feather?" Ordinary was shocked, "How did you know?" he asked.

His Father began to tell him, "Along time ago, I woke up to a Dream, too," "And it came with a long white feather. It was a wonderful Dream. I kept the feather on my window sill while I waited for a chance to pursue it. I waited and waited. But it never seemed possible. One day I noticed the feather had turned to dust. " Ordinary was sadden of all the words he heard that night. His Father hugged him. He said, "Do not make the same mistake he did, Son ,, he said." You do not have to stay a Nobody. You can be a Dreamer! "

When Ordinary got home, he headed straight to the window and picked up the long white feather. He turned it over and looked at it carefully in his hands. He thought about his Father Dream he left behind. Then he had a surprising idea. Could it be that maybe the Dream Giver gave every Nobody a Dream, but only some embraced their dreams? And a fewer pursued them? The more he thought about it the more he though had to be true. One thing Ordinary did know for sure, he did not want to repeat his Father's mistake. He would not waste another day waiting for his Dream to seem possible. He would find a way to pursue it.

Timed passed Ordinary worked hard on his plan to begin his Dream. He made choices. He made difficult changes. He even made big sacrifices. Finally, one morning, he was already. Ordinary ran all the way to his Usual Job, his Dream pounding in his chest. As soon as he saw Best Friend, Ordinary blurted out the news: "That Big dream I told you about – I've decided to pursue it!" Best Friend look concerned. "You know as well as I do that Nobodies who pursue their Dreams leave Familiar," he said. "They set off like fools into the Unknown, in search of a place where -"

"Yes, yes I know," Ordinary broke in, "and I can not wait to get started!" But Ordinary, that journey is anything but sensible or safe. Why leave Familiar? It's so comfortable here. And besides, you've always lived here. "I thought about it all, too," said Ordinary, "But my Dream is too important wonderful to miss." Best Friend shook his head. "So you're going to become a Dreamer," he said. "I am a Dreamer !," answered Ordinary. "Today I'm going to tell my Boss that leaving my Usual Job Tomorrow I will begin my journey. Hey Best Friend," added Ordinary eagerly, "you can have my recliner and my box!" And with that Ordinary walked away, humming a tune he'd never heard before.

Ordinary could not wait to give away to his Best Friend his recliner and box that that he had., Going away singing a tune he never heard before. Ordinary leaving his Boss and and his Usual Job to begin his journey. Ordinary's Best Friend could not believe that Ordinary was going to be a Dream. Ordinary knowing in his heart he was a Dreamer. Best Friend knowing that Ordinary lived in the Land of Familiar, did not like the sound of it Ordinary pursing his Dream. He thought Nobodies never leave the Land of Familiar to pursue their Dreams set off like fools into the Unknown. Ordinary thought about what Best Friend said but decided to pursue his Dream anyway. He made sacrifices, he made difficult choices. Time passed Ordinary worked hard on his to pursue his big Dream.

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Source by Latisha Wright

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Among the most powerful tragedies in the English language, Hamlet is a drama set in Denmark, where Prince Hamlet exacts blood revenge on his uncle Claudius for murdering his father, the King, usurpation of the throne, and for marrying his mother, who readily consented , much to his disillusionment, thus laying the foundation for real and feigned madness – from unspeakable grief to livid rage, thereby giving Shakespeare the grounds to explore the themes of tragic waste, revenge, incest and moral deprivation – all at once

The universality of Shakespeare's genius is in some sort reflected in Hamlet. Hamlet has a mind wise and witty, abstract and practical, the utmost reach of philosophical contemplation is mingled with most penetrating sagacity in the affairs of life; playful jest, biting satire, sparkling repartee blended with the darkest and deepest thoughts which can agitate man. He swiftly divines the nature and motives of those who are brought into contact with him. He is equally at home whether he is mocking Polonius with hidden raillery, or dissipating Ophelia's dreams of love, or crushing the sponges (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern – a pair of servants and childhood friends of Hamlet) with sarcasm and invective, or talking euphemism with Osric and satirizing while he talks it, whether he is uttering wise maxims or welcoming the Players with facetious graciousness, probing the innermost soul of others or sounding the mysteries of his own.

Shakespeare has created Hamlet by presenting him in all sorts of company. We see him with the girl (Ophelia) he loves and with the mother (Gertrude) he has adored. We see him with the closest friend (Horatio) whose temperament is the compliment of his, and we see him with his school fellows as he once knew them. He is a very different person with Claudius, Leartes and with Polonius. We laugh with him at Osric, with him we hold our breath in the dread presence of the Ghost. Perhaps he charms us most when he is with the common people, with the Players and the grave-digger. And then above all we listen to Hamlet when he is alone. He confides to us his many moods. We know what others think of him, we know what he thinks of others, and we know what he thinks of himself.

It follows that Hamlet is the most many-sided of Shakespeare's creations. Hamlet might indeed say with the poet Walt Whitman: "I am large, I contain multitudes".

Hamlet is at once individual and universal. He is Everyman, he is courtier, soldier and scholar – the Elizabethan ideal which combined the chivalry of the Middle Ages with the intellectual curiosity of the Renaissance. The fact that critics would never leave Hamlet alone, the futile endeavour to pluck out the heart of the mystery, is surely the best evidence that the real and the lasting mystery of the human situation has been greatly depicted.

Hamlet, then, is Hamlet; Hamlet is Sir Philip Sidney; Hamlet is Richard Burbage. He is Goethe and Coleridge. He is you and I. He is William Shakespeare. He is an individual and yet more than individual; he is larger than life. In Hamlet the prince Shakespeare has held up a mirror not merely to the age but to Nature or humanity. "I have a smack of Hamlet myself," confesses Coleridge, and Hazlitt repeats the same view: "It is we who are Hamlet".

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Source by Bhaskar Banerjee

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During my pregnancy I spent 14 weeks on bedrest. It was a long and isolating time. I was fortunate though, in that my doctor pulled me off of bedrest a couple of months before my son was due. This does not happen for most moms on bedrest though. So how do you throw a baby shower for a bedresting mom?

There are many ways to go about this, depending on the level of restrictions the new mom is on. The very first thing you should do is find out from her what her limitations are. Also find out if she wants the shower now, or would prefer to wait until after the baby is born.

If the expecting mom is feeling ill or the baby may not make it, consider putting the shower off until after the baby is born. Otherwise, you can work out a way to do a shower for her and still keep to her restrictions.

Some moms who are placed on bedrest do not have many restrictions at all. The doctor just does not want them active. If mom can travel okay and is just not supposed to be active, you can throw her a fairly normal shower with just a few modifications.

• Choose a location that is close to her home.
• Arrange for someone to transport her.
• Make sure there is a nice comfortable place that she can sit or lay down. It should be right in the middle of everything, not in a back room. Designate a couch for her or a comfortable recliner, and make it a seat of honor.
• Make sure she has a place to put snacks and drinks and that someone is in charge of making sure she has everything she needs.
• Keep the party in the same room as her. It's okay to keep snacks and beverages in another room, but encourage people to stay in the main room so that the new mom can be a part of everything.
• Keep the party short. Most moms who have been on bedrest tire out faster than normal. Keep the shower to 1 or 2 hours so she does not get overly tired. She can probably give you a good idea of ​​what her stamina is like these days.
• Find out if mom has food restrictions. If she does, try to make foods that she can eat and will enjoy.
• If you are playing games, consider paper and pencil games, or other things that the new mommy can participate in, or skip the games altogether and let her enjoy the time spent with her friends.
• Have a designated helper who is in charge of handing the new mom her gifts, and then once they are unwrapped, stashing them away from her. A lot of bending over to get gifts and put them down is a really bad idea for a bedresting mom.
• If people do not know that she in on bedrest, you might wish to include a small note in the envelope with the invitation to let guests know that she is on bedrest and has some restrictions, but that she is very much looking forward to seeing them .
• Have the new mom clear the shower with the doctor. Most doctors recognize the importance of these events and will let her know what is and is not okay. Then everyone can rest at ease knowing that she is safe.

If the new mom can not travel, you'll need to throw the baby shower at her house. It would look a lot like the shower discussed above, with a few more things to consider.

• Make sure the new mom can lay down during the party, without leaving the room. If she can not travel, her doctor probably will not want her sitting for any length of time either.
• Arrange for someone to clean her house thoroughly for her before the shower. Remember, she CAN NOT clean it. You do not want her stressing out about having guests over when her house looks less than the best. Plus, she'll love having her house nice and clean.
• Make sure you leave the house totally clean, all trash is cleaned out, and it looks as good or better than it did before you arrived. Bedrest is stressful for the whole family, do not leave a mess for her husband to clean up, he probably already has his hands full trying to keep up with daily life.

Sometimes a new mom can not handle having guests around her, is in the hospital, or for some other reason can not be at the shower. If that is the case, consider throwing a mini mom pampering shower. Have 2 or 3 close friends get together, give her their gifts, and just keep her company. Even most hospitals will allow for that. Then, once the baby comes and is home, you can consider throwing a full baby shower for her.

The final option would be to throw a shower like you would for someone out of town. Sometimes a new mom who has been on bedrest (and thus not working) really needs the extra help getting even the basics for baby. If that is the case, throw her a long distance baby shower. Use webcams to connect her with everyone and bring the gifts to her. It's not quite the same, but it'll leave her feeling special and help her get what she needs before baby arrives.

Whatever method you choose for throwing the shower, make sure she gets one. So many moms have missed out on having baby showers because they were on bedrest. Do not let your friend become one of them.

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Source by Charlene J Hertzberg

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You're trying so hard to keep it together. You hoped today would be better, but you woke up feeling the same sense of dread and panic as you have for the last two weeks. You know it will not last forever, but it's getting old. And it's getting worse.

You can not stay in bed, even though your body is screaming for rest, because you have three kids to take care of. So, you drag yourself out of bed and perform your duties as if they are hardwired into your brain. You think a cup of coffee might give you some energy, but instead it makes the pounding in your chest worse. Kids fed, check. Diapers changed, check. Is this all you'll accomplish today?

You've tried self-care, deep breathing and being good to yourself, but nothing is working. Your five-year-old's squeals and one-year-old's cries pierce your ears like a siren. You try not to shout, but find yourself doing it anyway. Then you get angry at yourself for being "that" mom.

You know it's not their fault. Your toddler does not know your skin feels raw and your senses are on high alert, so she climbs on you, pinches you and pulls at your clothes. She does not know that today her play feels like torture.

You leave your seven-year-old in charge and retreat to the shower – maybe there you will get some relief. At least here, with the noise of the water, you can cry. You fight the urge to turn the water on too hot and scald your skin. You try to focus on your breathing, and the sound of the water- try to be here in the moment, but your mind will not allow it. It screams at you in a hundred voices. Your mind is a crowded room with a locked door. Your five-year old bursts in on your thoughts with an urgent need to tattle on her brother. You tell her in the calmest voice you can manage, you will be out in a minute.

As you dry yourself, you catch a glimpse in the full-length mirror. When did you get so fat? Look how gross you are! Why even bother with makeup, you can not fix ugly! Your mind screams at you. "Shut up," you mutter aloud, hoping no one hears.

You take a deep breath and go back out to your kids. One wants a snack. One wants to play a video game. The youngest has taken off her diaper and peed on the floor. All you can manage is a weak sigh as you get a snack, clean up the floor and re-dress your toddler.

"I can not do this! I can not do this! Please help me!" your inner child pleads, but there is no one here to help you. You give in and allow your kids to play video games and watch a movie so you can have some quiet. Then scold yourself again for being a failure as a mother.

Snap out of it! You wish so badly that you could. What's wrong with you? You have depression. And, although you have been in remission for several months, your symptoms like to pop up every now and then like a cold sore, reminding you they will never really leave.

You cancel outings you are meant to attend, (by text and Facebook, because you can not possibly face a telephone call at this point) making up excuses. The excuses seem necessary because stigma still exists, and you can not possibly just tell people "I can not cope right now, so I will not be able to make it to the playdate." What would they think of you if they knew?

As your two eldest watch the television and your youngest plays with toy trains, you write. You write because it's what you do. You write because perhaps it will help to get it out. You write because maybe, just maybe, someone will read this and not feel so alone.

You spend most of the day on the couch. When your husband gets home from work, you are finally honest and tell him you're in pain and struggling to cope. He hugs you and strokes your hair, because he's your best friend. He reminds you how much you've been through together and that together, you will get through this, too.

You feel a bit better and turn to one of the coping skills you've learned over the years. You make a list of reasons why you are awesome. At first it seems forced, but by the time you get to "lived with depression for over two decades and I'm kicking its ass", you begin to smile.

It will get better. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not the next day. But it will get better for you. And it will get better for me, too.

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Source by Rebecca Ouellette

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Have you gotten that call in the middle of the night telling you that your mother who is 2,000 miles away has fallen and is in the hospital? Has your father come for a visit and had a slight stroke? These circumstances can interrupt your everyday life and send you into a state of panic and fear. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO WHEN YOUR PARENT IS HOSPITALIZED IS TO PUT YOUR PANIC AND WORRY ASIDE AND SHIFT INTO WARRIOR MODE. Here's what you need to do.

1. Do not panic. It is natural to be fearful and overwhelmed when your mother or dad is rushed to the hospital. Accept your feelings as natural, but put them aside right away. YOU ARE YOUR PARENT'S BEST ADVOCATE. If you live far away, immediately call a friend who can go to the hospital and be your liaison on the ground until you get there. You will quickly get frustrated and angry trying to get information about what's happening with Mom or Dad unless you have someone on the scene looking out for YOU and letting you know what's going on. If you can not get to the hospital, there are also elder care advocates like myself who can be your eyes and ears and fight through the system so your parent gets the best care.

2. Contact your mother or dad's physician immediately. As a side note here, it is very important that your parent have a general internist physician (preferably a gerontologist if you can find one) WHO IS WILLING TO FOLLOW YOUR PARENT TO THE HOSPITAL IF NECESSARY. This is obviously something to arrange now, before any unforeseen hospitalization occurs.

Many hospitals now promote to patients a new system of "hospitalists" – these are physicians who only work at the hospital and do not have a private practice. The problem with this is that your parent will be a new patient to the hospitalist and you might not have the same hospitalist every day. WHAT YOU WANT IS YOUR PARENT'S PHYSICIAN WHO KNOWS YOUR PARENT'S HISTORY TO VISIT THE HOSPITAL EVERY DAY AND DIRECT YOUR PARENT'S CARE! This is very important for the continuity of care for your mom or dad and for your comfort. A hospitalist might not pick up on something about your parent that his or her own physician would because of their history together.

3. Do not be intimidated by the hospital system. The reality is that hospitals have their own protocols and systems which may work for them, but may not necessarily work for you! You land in a place that's all new to you – and they've got the advantage. Do not be afraid to ask questions of the nurses, other staff or the physicians. Hospitals tell us that their mission is to take the best care of their patients, but the reality is the only person who will be looking out for the best interests of your parent is YOU or YOUR ADVOCATE.

When my mother was in the hospital, I walked up to the nurses' station behind which about 10 people were chatting away, and the one who was sitting at the desk right in front of me refused to look up. I finally called out, Hello, anybody home? And they all turned in disbelief, but I got what I needed.

4. If possible, keep your parent in the hospital for THREE OVERNIGHTS. True, you do not have complete control over this, that's why the presence of your parent's own physician can be so important, but if your parent will have to go to a rehab facility or go home for therapy, and he or she is on Medicare , Medicare will only pay for follow-up treatment if your parent has spent three full overnights in the hospital. Not days, but overnights.

Do not let them try to push Mom or Dad out too early. If it's legitimate for them to stay in the hospital, make sure they stay. I had a friend who unfortunately did not know the three-day rule at the time, and her mother wanted to leave the hospital early. She needed therapy at home as the doctor prescribed but had to pay for it herself because she did not meet the three-overnight rule.

5. Manage the hospital's discharge planner. Within a day or two of your parent's admission, you will meet the discharge planner, whose job it is to arrange for where Mom or Dad goes and what help they need after the hospital. THIS IS VERY KEY – if your parent is going to have to go to a rehab facility, a skilled nursing facility, and the three-day rule is met, Medicare will pay for the best or worst facility. IT IS YOUR JOB AS ADVOCATE TO FIND OUT THE BEST FACILITY AND GET MOM OR DAD IN THERE! This will make a world of difference in their aftercare.

The discharge planner will give you a list of facilities in the area. They are not ethically allowed to tell you what the best ones are. Typically, they will ask you to pick three, and then whichever of those three facilities has a bed on the day Mom or Dad is discharged from the hospital, that's where they'll go.

BUT HERE'S THE CATCH – THERE MAY ONLY BE ONE GREAT FACILITY IN THE AREA. SO HOW TO GET THERE? First, you have to find it. Ask friends, families, colleagues. If you've hired an advocate, they'll be able to guide you. If you're on the ground, go visit the facilities. Ask for a tour of the skilled nursing facility. Talk to the admissions officer at the facilities you like. If one stands out above the rest, keep talking to the Admissions officer at that facility (you will not know exactly what day your parent will be discharged) and tell the hospital's discharge planner that you want your parent to go there.

This is so important and the trickiest part. When you find out (usually the day before) when Mom or Dad is to be discharged, call the facility (or facilities if you're blessed to have several you like) and ask if they will have a bed open the next day. Some hospital discharge planners are wonderful, others are annoying and territorial. They may see you as interfering with "their" job. But put any concerns about that aside, and recognize that they are treading on YOUR territory, where Mom or Dad goes will make no difference to them, it will make all the difference to you. If there's a bed open where you want to go, tell the discharge planner that day – tell them you've talked to the admissions representative at the facility, there's a bed available, and you want Mom or Dad to go there. DO NOT GIVE IN AT ANY POINT AT THIS STAGE. YOU'VE DONE THE HARD WORK, IT'S TIME FOR MOM OR DAD (AND YOU) TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF YOUR INVESTIGATIONS AND ADVOCACY!

Remember, regardless of your past history, fighting for your parent at this time in his or her life when they may need you most, can become the most rewarding time of togetherness for both of you and lead to great healing, if needed, and joy . It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Hopefully, with these tips in mind, you can focus on loving your parent to the best of your ability and not on the frustrations that come from navigating unknown waters.

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Source by Jane Allison Austin

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I used to hate the term "Cougar" for all the obvious reasons. First, it evoked images of Mrs. Robinson in a girdle and garters, smoke billowing around her alcoholic head as she seduced a vulnerable (but willing) Benjamin. Flash forward to leopard clad women over 40 showing way too much cleavage, voguing in 4 inch stilettos, hanging out at bars, guzzling wine and dragging home young prey. Every time the media interviewed me, I cringed, knowing the obvious questions would be asked: "Is not this just about sex?" "Is not this just about money?" I endeavored to explain to them that in my 20 years of research as a human behavior research psychologist and world's foremost authority on cross generational dating and psychosexual imprinting (translation: Cougar and Cub dating) that they had it all wrong. The media is promoting what I coined "The Myth of Stiffler's Mom" ​​as in the film American Pie. Stiffler's mom seduces a young man, yet he is not the 6 pack ab, GQ model type. He is mature for his age, an intelligent. He gets in her head before he gets in her bed. The younger men and the media who think the younger man / older woman relationship is just about sex or money have never been in a relationship with an older woman. If they had, they'd know the truth.

The facts are fairly simple, and I say these with a great deal of certainty, as this is a demographic of people I have studied formally for over 20 years. If you are familiar with the bell shaped curve, you can easily see that the bell shaped curve can be applied to just about anything in life. Let's plot out the younger man older woman dynamic on it and see what we find: In the mid section of the curve we have most of the older women. "Older women" can be considered any woman in her 20's and older who date younger men. The majority of these women who fall in the mid section of the curve are ages 40-50. These are Cougars. Women in their 30's are Pumas. Women in their 20's are Kittens. Pumas and Kittens fall outside the center of the bell shaped curve. Let's say they are 1 standard deviation away from the Mean, to the left of the midsection. Women in their 60's and older are Panthers. Let's put them to the right of the middle of the bell shaped curve. There are fewer Kittens, Pumas and Panthers than there are Cougars; but for the sake of argument, they are all "Cougars."

What is a Cougar? Many women take offense to this moniker, as did I, based upon reasons I have given above. People actually get angry with me for using the word in my articles and research. Do not shoot the messenger. I did not coin the word and I did not brand it. Blame the media. They are the ones who want to make Cougars look like neurotic, caricaturist, boy crazy, wackadoos.

I really had a viceral reaction every time I heard the word mentioned, read it in an article or saw my fingers typing it onto my computer screen.

Not any more.

Here is what I have realized and here is what I have advocated to the thousands of members of my Cougar dating site: YOU define what a Cougar is for yourself. Do not let the media. your friends, other Cougars, younger men or so called "experts" tell you how to define yourself as a Cougar. There are basic ingredients that do make up the definition: an older woman who dates, mates and / or marries a younger man. That is the basic criteria. You do not have to look like Courteney Cox, have Demi Moore's money, have Madonna's confidence, or Cher's success to be a Cougar. People who say a Cougar is a "sexy, confident, successful, mature woman who knows what she wants" is leaving out the majority of women who consider themselves Cougars but who may not be successful or sexy or confident. In fact, she may be fresh out of a 20 year stale marriage, up to her eyeballs in debt and feeling insecure about those extra 20 pounds but finds that she is attracted to and open to a relationship with a younger man.

There are "experts" who will try to tell people that a woman can be a Cougar only if she is over 40. Not true. There are women on my dating site who are in their late 20's who date men 7 to 10 years younger who consider themselves Cougars. Being a Cougar is less about your age, economic status, body type or confidence level than it is about your desire to date a younger man.

I really do work hard to set the record straight for the media; but they print the salacious sex and money angle anyway.

In my Ph.D. research project "Childhood Psychosexual Imprinting and the Effects it Has on Adult Male and Female Relationships Specific to Younger Men Dating Older Women" I interviewed over a thousand men about their desire to be with an older woman. Each man could give me chapter and verse about a "defining moment" in his life when he became imprinted with a desire to be with an older woman: a school teacher, baby sitter, friend of an older sister, mother's best female friend, actresses on television and films; the list goes on and on. For these men, it was not about the Myth of Stiffler's Mom. It was not a roll in the hay with Mrs. Robinson, it was a powerful imprint that has stayed with them throughout their lives and keeps them going back to older women time and time again.

I have interviewed men in their 30's who have been married to older women who are looking for their next older wife. I have interviewed men in their 40's and 50's who refuse to date women their age and younger and opt instead for the more mature woman. I met a man who was 82 years old who told me, "I just married an older woman," and then he added with a wink, "Sex with an older woman is always better." 82!

Psychosexual imprinting is an area of ​​expertise of mine as it relates to the younger man / older woman dynamic. The "psycho" part has to do with the psychological aspect of the imprint and the young man's personality and how it is formed and imprinted upon. The "sexual" part is prima fascia obvious. Imprinting is a very powerful, defining moment in a person'a life. We all have imprints, some positive, some not positive. The younger man who has imprinted positively with an older woman will seek out and bond with older women for the rest of his life. It's not a one time, flash in the pan kind of thing.

This is what the media does not understand about this dating dynamic. And it is not understood by many so called "Cougar Experts" who are jumping on a bandwagon to sell books and speed dating sessions. My research in this area is extensive, comprehensive and documented; which is why CNN refers to me as The Uber Cougar.

So, if you are a Cougar, do not be ashamed by this term. It is not derogatory. It is not a put down. "Wear the paw with pride" as we say on my dating site. Define who you are as a Cougar and dispel the myths that are out there. And feel free to email me with any questions you may have about my research and this dynamic. Ageism is the last barrier we are breaking down in dating. Even if you are not a Cougar at least now you understand a little more about what one truly is … and is not.

Happy hunting!

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Source by Dr.